An Ode to Sisyphus 55
In about two minutes and nine seconds, I would’ve lost myself.
As the video plays for another ten seconds, the following message appears:
“I’ve been going to therapy for a while. This started when I considered taking my life. Since then, I’ve seen five different therapists to varying degrees of success. During this time, I also had a Youtube channel that grew significantly where I discuss mental health and philosophy. This is without me ever studying philosophy or having any expertise in psychology. As of now, it is my “current profession” and gives me way too much time to be alone with myself. After a year of Youtube, a couple failed relationships, and some troubling behavioral patterns, I was in a rut. I began ‘schema therapy’ — a form of therapy that explores how I see myself and the world.” — It’s All About Me, Sisyphus 55
Yellow, 14 sized Times New Roman font became the bane of my existence.
You and I meet hundreds of people each day, but there are only a few who can truly touch your heart, soul, and intelligence. And this Youtuber did.
It was around my second year of college in which I lost a bit of love…and I’m not talking about that kind of love. Rather it was my love for life. Days felt monotonous. Experiences were translated into ones and zeros — a simple bimoric language.
There existed this sickening heaviness… and it never seemed to let me go.
There never seemed to be THE “right” reason to unwind…family occasions, hangouts, and parties were never valid.
Why relax when there are 10–15 more items on your checklist. Why have any fun if you haven’t accomplished your life goals…
Grace didn’t exist, and the thought of resting became a guilt ridden activity.
And like any good story, I had a breaking point. I became the person I had despised the most… and amazingly not a person knew of the hatred that lied inside myself.
My life was predicated on a singular plan. A plan, that if accomplished well, would result in internal success and security.
NOW THAT’S some stupid ass thinking.
I walked as if death and uncertainty didn’t go hand in hand. I subconsciously thought that proving anything constant would be much easier than its opposite… chaos.
(Nerd talk: this is extremely difficult to do, even from a scientific standpoint… we can easily accept that random shit happens, but in order to prove anything true, we have to spend millions of dollars and hours on various technological advances and experimental methods…)
At the time stamp of 10:54, a quote appeared on morning.
“All a plan is- all it could ever possibly be — is a present-moment statement of intent. Its an expression of your current thoughts about how you’d ideally like to deploy your modest influence over the future. The future of course is under no obligation to comply.” — The Myth of Productivity, Sisyphus 55.
Author’s Note:
Hello wonderful readers! This entire entry is dedicated to Sisyphus 55, a Youtube channel I highly suggest to everyone.
He is a person who challenges my current views and helps me to develop new ones. I cannot stand here without him. Thank you, Sisyphus 55.
The following videos discussed are:
The Myth of Productivity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_UnFpUd3RI
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw6WVcU6T6E
